


Insecure (HawkSilver)

by Galixy_Wolf11



Category: Marvel, hawksilver - Fandom
Genre: Anorexia, Anorexia Clint Barton, Depressed Clint Barton, Eating Disorders, Insecure Clint Barton, M/M, Mentions of child abouse, My OCs, My friend's OCs, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Protective Avengers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Thor, Protective Tony Stark, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Worried Avengers, bulimia Clint Barton, mentions if Barney Barton, mentions of Clint’s dad, mentions of Clint’s mom, mentions of past rape, protective pietro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-04-07 03:18:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19076398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galixy_Wolf11/pseuds/Galixy_Wolf11
Summary: Clint Barton is insecure and depressedIt’s better than it sounds I’m just not good at descriptions





	1. chapter 1

Clint’s POV

I was at the top of tree making sure no one got hurt from the HYDRA agents. I notice 2 sneaking up on Steve so I quickly grab two arrows and shot at them. As soon as I finish the shots I hear the sound of a bomb ticking and I start jumping from tree to tree trying to get away from the bomb but stay in the shadows. I see Pietro run around and annoy the hell out of the HYDRA agents, Natasha fighting about 3-5 agents holding her own, Wanda attacking agents using her magic, and Steve just barely getting in the base with Tony. I grab 4 arrows and aim at the agents attacking Natasha a shot. I panic when I see she took two agents down while I was aiming and when I took the shot. Luckily the extra arrows pass her and go behind multiple trees, but it doesn’t stop the guilt that I could’ve killed her. I know that if you kill or even almost kill a teammate you would get dishonorably discharged, but I can’t remember if it still applies to accidents. I try my best to make up for the stupid mistake only I could make, I mean, I am the dumbest avenger. A reason I normally stray away from the others. Another being that they’re all fit and have no extra fat while I’m not as fit and I still have extra fat no matter how much I train. I stopped eating anything more than 200 calories and even though it’s not healthy, if I’m fit, or even skinny then they won’t ridicule me like they did before I dropped out of school. I sighed trying not to remember my past and continue to struck agents down. As soon as we’re done with the mission I wonder if they’re going to discharge me or let it slide.

‘No these are super heros, they probably realized I’m more trouble then I’m worth’I thought. I sat down in the seat furthest away from everyone ready to get scolded. I don’t know if I was lucky or unlucky but no one mentioned my mess up.

‘They must be waiting to tell Fury and Coulson of my mistake so they know not to let me in any S.H.E.L.D. headquarters’ I tell myself. As soon as we get get to avengers tower I go straight to the training room to get to or past 121%. I learned a long time ago that even 100% isn’t good enough so I started going higher and higher trying to prove my worth to the team. As soon as I hit 121% I’m to tired to go any further so I just hope up into the vents and crawl to my room.

”what am I supposed to do Wanda? How do I tell the person I like that I like them” I hear Pietro say under me as I’m in the vents.” Before I could her Wanda respond I turned the corner to a different vent system.

  _‘_ Of course he likes someone else, I mean he’s perfect and I’m just a piece of garbage who can’t wear a bathing suit in public without feeling insecure about how I look’ I get to my room the long way and by the time I get there I jump down from the vents onto my bed, and cried myself to sleep absolutely hating myself. Before I fell asleep one thought crossed my mind. ‘ _Why haven’t I ended my life yet?’_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um...self harm triggers, suicidal thoughts, hiding in one of Clint’s nests
> 
> I have been writing this instead of sleeping btw I’m going to camp so I might not be able to post for a week or two....sorry

3rd person POV

Clint was walking to the kitchen when he heard Tony flirting with Loki. He decides that; 1: he doesn’t want to see that and 2: he isn’t good enough for food. He climbs in the vents to one of his nests. While in the vents he heard Bruce muttering about how it might take him some time to finish a science problem, Pepper taking care of Tony’s business, Rhodey talking on his phone about military stuff, Nat and Steve sparing, Thor snoring, and Pietro talking to fast to make out the words. He sighed and crawled to his nest and climbed in it. He searched for a piece of glass he kept stored here, then slid it along his legs. He then wondered what would happen if he just ended it right them and there. The sun would still shine, the birds would still chirp, they’ll forget about me eventually. What felt like minutes were apparently hours because Tony called out  _“DINNER”_ Clint crawled out of the vents and made sure his hearing aids are in. He never told anyone but he was really insecure about them and only Nick Fury and Coulson knows that he has them. He climbed out of the vents and ~~half limped~~ walked to the dinner table. Nobody noticed when he got there, not even Nat, and that just made him feel even more worthless. He grabbed a cup of coffee then left. No one would notice his absence anyways. He walked to his room wanting some sleep. Hoping, praying, that he didn’t get any nightmares of...what happened during and after the carnival.

_ flashbacks of his brother treating him worse because he was able to aim and see better than him _

_ visions of trick shot and the swordsman raping the 14 year old version of Clint  _

_memories of his brother attacking and leaving him to die came to view_

Clint jolted up from the bed panting. He glanced at his coffee and drank it deciding not to sleep tonight, like yesterday. He was left alone with his thoughts, which wasn’t a good thing at all.

_they hate you, just except it. They haven’t talked to you in a week not including missions. I bet they don’t even know that today is your birthday. HA pathetic!!_

Pietro’s POV

 _I wonder where Clint is? And I swear I feel like I’m forgetting something important!_  I thought to myself. _‘And where the fuck did Loki wander off too?!? Nevermind tony is keeping him from taking the world over, back to the first two_

”Hey does anyone else feel like they’re forgetting something” I ask. A bout half of them nod while the other hum a “mhm”.

”I gave no clue what though,” Tony responded.

”neither do I and I’m one of the greatest spies in the world” Natasha half bragged. Everyone wondered what they were forgetting for about 5 minutes till Natash realized what it was.

”oh god we are all idiots” Natash said finally.

”What do you mean?” Steve asked while the others looked at her a little offended but mainly confused. 

“Clint” she sighed. “It’s his birthday today, and we haven’t spoken to him in a week not including missions” everyone looked at each other mad at themselves for not remembering and accidentally ignoring their friend.I checked the time only to see it was 8:30 to late to throw any kind of party, with my speed it would be suspicious why we didn’t have it set up earlier.

”we are all officially idiots” I repeat sadly. “We forgot about our own teammates birthday” Everyone looked disappointed in      themselves for forgetting Clint’s birthday.

”Where is Clint anyway?” Bruce asked.

”I do not know where eye of hawk is” Thor chimed in sadly. After dinner everyone went to bed, probably beating themselves up about forgetting Clint’s birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I’m 99% sure that was terrible...or it’s just my low self confidence, self esteem, and social anxiety talking..I don’t know anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally had time to update!! Yay!! Also I'm adding my OC's but there more of a side main character than an actual main character. I'm also adding my friend Calypso's OC (not his real name) later (in either chapter 4 or 5)

Pietro's POV

I walked to Clint's room to see if we could hang out today. I felt really bad for for forgetting his birthday. I knocked on his door but heard nothing. 

"Clint? Are you in there?" I ask. No response. I open the door to see his mission duffle bag that's normally by the door gone.  _'I didn't know he had a mission'_ I thought to myself. I decide to ask Natasha so I sprint to her getting there in less that 6 seconds using my speed. 

"Hey Pietro, what are you doing here?" My sister Wanda questions. 

"I wanted to ask if Natasha knew that Clint was going on a mission today?" I replie. 

"Umm... Is today the 11th?" She asks.  **(not real date)**  

"Yes, why?" Wanda asked. 

'Because he had a sniper mission today with Loki so, three, two, one-"

"Loki?!? Where are you!?!" Tony yelled from his room. 

"He's on a mission with Clint!! He is going to lure the target out using his illusions, he's fine!!" Natasha yells back. 

"Oh, ok thanks Nat!" Tony says from behind us. 

"What the fuck?!?" Wanda shrieks. 

"Heh, sorry" He responds nervously since he was on the end of Nat's gun. Nat cursed under her breath in Russian as she put her gun away. 

"Ha! That's funny Nat!" Someone exclaims behind us. We turn around to see a girl around 16 or 17 with an abnormal red eye, black curly hair covering her right eye and just a couple inches past her shoulders, paleish white skin, with a red and black robe on and a black suit of armor from.. Asgard? 

"Cousin Eris!! What are you doing here" Thor asks. 

"Well my.. Friend, Carol aka Captain Marvel recommended that I become an Avenger" She replied and her hesitation was almost unnoticeable. 

"Friend?!? I am not just your friend, Eris! I'm your girlfriend!" Captain Marvel exclaims from out of no where. 

"Hohvorfor kunne jeg ikke bare forbli på S.H.E.L.D." Eris sighs with a faint pink blush on her cheeks. 

"What did she say?" Tony asks confused. 

"She said 'why couldn't i just stay at S.H.E.L.D.'" Natasha responded. "Wait, you work at S.H.E.L.D.?"

"Ya, through my early 700s and late 900s, then I left to try and warn Loki of Thano's so I found Harmonia but before I could tell her I fell into the Yggdrasil, I don't want to talk about what happened there but he put me under the control of the sword I was using' She replied. Everyone nodded and didn't ask about what happened to her.

"Cousin Eris, do you know where Harmonia is??" Thor questions. Instead on answering she just puts up three fingers and puts one down after each second. 

"THOR!!" Someone shouts and launches to Thor both giving each other a very strong bear hug. She let go of him so Nat, Wanda and I could study her. She had long straight blonde hair up to about her middle back, bright blue eyes, yellow and white Asgardian armor, a bright yellow and white cape, and tarnish looking skin. 

"Hi! I'm Harmonia, Thor, Loki, and Eris' cousin!" She says exited.

"Hi, I'm Pietro, this is Natasha and my sister Wanda" I replie pointing at them as I say their name. 

"I have a question, how has literally nobody woken up from all of our yelling?" Tony asks. 

"We didn't!!" Was the others yell from a few floors up. 

We all laugh. I hope I can at least talk to Clint later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update :'(
> 
> Also any of you have Wattpad? I have an account in it called Galixy_gamer11 and that's where Eris and Harmonia come from
> 
> Also sorry if there are any spelling mistakes


	4. Chapter 4

Eris' POV

Tony Stark gave me and Carol a floor with two rooms and near the roof. He said 'if you do anything keep it down' and I swear, Carol looked like she wasny going to follow those rules, so I'm screwed. Anyway I haven't told Carol about the accident that made me deaf and the only reason I can hear is because of my magic. Carol is right now at the kitchen talking to Harmoniaso I might just conserve my magic. I sat down in  _my private library_ , thx Tony again, and grabbed a Midgardian book called: a wrinkle before time. As I was half way done with my book I glances up and noticed the vents were open. I grabbed my sword, forgetting about my hearing, and looked at the open vent. I felt vibrations in the floor so I kicked the person behind me and angled my sword near their neck. I saw Agent Barton and realised he now knew I was deaf. I sigh and use my magic to hear him. 

"Your, your deaf?" He says confused. I just nod. "Oh thank god I'm not the only one" He sighs. Wait...

"What?" I ask. 

"I was in an accident and I lost about 70-80% of my hearing" He explains. "You?" 

"I was trying to create a sword that could chanel mmy magic and could help me l9se less energy when casting spells, it blew up and I lost my hearing" I respond. 

"Should we have a nickname just for the hell if it?" He asks hesitantly. 

"Sure, how about...Depressed Deafs?" I question hoping he's also depressed or just thinks it's a joke. 

"Sure, that's actually pretty fitting" He responds. I nod and we talk about having conversations about being deaf every Saturday before we go our separate ways. I sit back down in the chair I was sitting in and continued to read my book. 

 

 Carol's (Captain Marvel) POV

It was lunch and I haven't seen Eris for a few hours and I'm wondering if she is still in the library or out for a walk. I take the last bite of my turkey sandwich and walk to the common room. I see Thor and Sam playing video games, Steve, Tony and Bucky arguing, Loki laughing his ass off, Harmonia trying to break up the argument, and Pietro, Natasha and Wanda talk to each other. I walk back to the kitchen to get a cup of water when I see both of the coffee pots gone. Confused I glance around to see of the coffee stealer is still here. When I decide that they are gone I go back to the living room to see two boys. One has green eyes, pale skin, black and green suit, black hair, and black.. Cat ears and tail? The other has red eyes, red and hair, dark grey skin, black and red stripped shirt, black over coat and.. Black and red wolf ears and tail. 

"Hi! I'm Lucifer, but you can call me moonstar!" The one in green shouted

"I'm Azrael, " The other told us. 

"We were wondering.. Do you know where Loki and Eris are?" They simultaneously said. 

**Author's Note:**

> Did you lik it or hate it, if you liked please raise my self-esteem and give me kudos and comment and if you hate it please don’t comment it will just lower my self-esteem even more


End file.
